I’ve been to my share of shows. I’ve seen some weird shit happen on stage. I have also seen some awesomely unforgettable moments. I’m not out there to see a million bells and whistles attached to a live show. Frankly, the more shit you toss on the stage, the more I am inclined to think your show is about to suck (ie Avenged Sevenfold). But I love to see a band that has completely contagious energy live. Out of that energy will occasionally arise a stage move so mind blowing, that you just have to laugh and continue to rock. So with that said, I have compiled my own scientifically unproven list of the greatest stage moves of all time.
Now before anyone bitches at me for leaving certain things out, this is not a debate over which particular musician had the most iconic stage moves, whether it be Gene Simmons’ tongue, the Chuck Berry / Angus Young duck walk, Elvis’ hips, MJ grabbing his ball bag, or Mick Jagger’s body doing whatever it is you would actually call that. This is about moves that have transcended individuals, become signatures of the genre, and withstood the test of time… cheesy or otherwise. And 1 move stands out head and shoulders above the rest. But first, a look at the runners up.
The home run swing of guitar playing. Nothing says rock and roll like playing your guitar like it kicked your puppy and slapped your wife. An iconic swing-for-the-fences move indeed, but too much “look at me” for this particular guys taste. I acknowledge that Pete Townshend made this his signature move, but it’s generic as hell now, so screw it.
The power slide:
Makes the list on the merit of a strong Tenacious D endorsement alone. A brilliantly iconic move, but a little too much risk involved for my liking. What if you faceplant? What if you bust up your knees? What if it just looks like you are trying to hand out BJ’s while shredding a guitar solo? While epic when executed properly, the bad far outweighs the good here and you have a better chance coming out looking like a big dick than a god of all things rock.
The instrument smash:
This isn’t even a runner up. I just hate it so much that I had to address it. Never got the point. Stupidest thing I have ever watched happen on a stage. The only thing worse is watching a dumbass continue to try and smash an instrument that just won’t break, which is the absolute height of musical comedy. And only douche bag hacks like Green Day seem to do it. This is why we can’t have nice things!
So without any further ado, I present you with the greatest stage move in the history of rock.
The hanging guitar, over head clap:
Ok, so the name needs work. It’s simple, it’s sexy, it gets the crowd amped up and it just makes me smile. The biggest regret of my life is not learning to play the guitar so I could pull off this move in front of an arena full of hair band fans.
Blogging soundtrack: Deftones – Koi No Yokan